Slaphappy Nonsense

The underemployed geographer and kayak guide is soon to be unemployed and on the move. A trip to Central America is in the works...only 2.5 weeks away! Pretty soon I'll be relaxing in the sun, snorkeling, scuba diving, hiking in the jungle, and hanging out with Jenny. And the bakery will be without their sales team leader and will have to look for someone else to work their way up to sales manager. I am sad to have let them down, but this is definitely the right thing for me.

So I have been perusing the multitude of guidebooks that I borrowed from the library, and came across some useful, if not hilarious advice about handshakes in Belize. I can't even try to paraphrase, so here it is in its entiriety (minus the diagrams, so you'll have to use your imagination)

"The Beliezean handshake comes in a bewildering variety of forms and, unless you're meeting your bank manager, may not even closely resemble what you are accustomed to.

"The foundation of all streetside hand-based greetings in Belize is the gentle horizontal fist punch, as used by many sporting celebrities mid-game. This one is particularly effective if you meet someone on the street who wants to shake your hand, but you don't want to commit emotionally. Give them a tap, they'll be happy and you can be on your way. The puch on its own is also quite acceptable for gretting people who you already know, and for farewelling people who you've been talking to for a while. It's a casual gesture that implies familiarity.

"From here things start to get complicated. Many Belizeans shake hands in the soul-brother, thumbs upward style, but convert their shake for tourists to the more conventional thumbs downward, meeting-your-girlfriend's-father style. It takes a keen eye to glean what your shake partner has in mind, and a certain speed of reflex to adjust to changing conditions.

"However you start, this will not be the end. From the initail shake, there is often a slide into the monkey grip, grabbing fingertips posture. Pressure here should be firm, but not hard. Make sure your nails are properly trimmed before attempting this.

"From here all sorts of slaphappy nonsense can ensue, but a perfectly legitimate maneuver at this point is to segue into the gentle punch (see step 1), and once that's completed, you can actually start the conversation."